Love that can never be achived.

Guess you'll never know that.

Recently, I feel exceptionally truly madly deeply in love with my ex. I feel happy. I feel so brand new. I feel like nothing has ever happened before. It's like I fall in love for the very first time. This feeling.. is so pure yet so true.. I spent the whole night trying to remember and been googling the song that my ex put in a video of our photos together. I don't know why suddenly I miss him so much. I'm going crazy every each day that passes by. It was the song " Paint My Love " by MLTR. It was a beautiful song. I now feel the love that we had before very deeply and it feels so pure. I never felt this in love before. But... I don't think things will go back to how it used to be like back then..

My big big love :D

Honestly, these days I'm acting very strange. I feel love everywhere. Even all the hatred becomes love. What is this? What does this suppose to mean? It feels great. Unsual than before. Maybe... because I used to say I am awsome and happy most of the time, it finally becomes real. Maybe.. if I continue beliving in myself that everything will be okay.. I guess it will. And everything is going well nowadays... I guess... well I just have to keep on beliving! Right ? Why don't you start beliving in yourself too then ? :)

Nevertheless, I met my ex few days ago in a mamak shop, a coincidence, but I don't take it as a coincidence because I expected him to come. It's like telephaty!! I never knew he would but I kept on telling myself " will he come? I've been longing to see him " I even yelled at myself to even have a thought like that about him while I'm not supposed to even just think about him at all. However, My friend happen to be there and he came along with few of his friends too.. There was two table, I was sitting on the left table and he sat on the right table on the same line as where I was sitting. I felt funny because I was so excited to even just see his face after such a loooong time, which is weird for me to expect him to come while I suppose to not think about him at all! I never expected myself to be like this!!! Seriously.... I thought when time passes I could forget him instead I forget the bad things that happened . I mean like I said earlier, all the hatred becomes love! Yes, so when the hatred and the anger I had for him becomes love, additional to the love that I already have for him, my love for him has grown bigger every each day. Like, what the hell ?

Why do I keep loving you after all the hardships you've put me through ?

According to what has happened lately, though my love for him has grown every each day, I think his love for me has been fading every each day..and I will only be just another girl for him. It's really depressing to have known this yet I still haven't move on. It's really stupid and pathetic. I know so much what to do what I must do yet I'm still stuck with my past. Why is this happenning to me at this age? How can I love person so much at this age? Am I really loving him or is this just what every teenager has go through at this age? Well, I heard some very dirty stories about me everywhere.. I guess I haven't been protecting myself properly lately.. And that dirty stories I heard was made by him. I guess I should've set boundries with whom I socialize with. I thought they were my close buddies, I guess it was just their way to take advantage over me. Maybe I shouldn't have  trust people so easily. I'm a very vulnerable and naive kind of person. Though how strong I thought I may be, but I'm indeed very week in the inside. I am much more sensitive than I thought I am.. Words affect me so easily. I may not cry when the words are spoken at the moment, but when I'm left all alone, tears started falling until I thought why am I being so rediculous while I'm so young and so many things is yet to be achived.

Paint my love ? ? 

I bet most of us has been through this kind of relationship before. If most of you can survive, why can't I ? I hope that one day.. just that one fine day.. his heart will open and finally getting to realize just what he actualy really meant to me. It's not easy to have someone who truly love you and keep on loving you no matter what you did to them. Most of you may call it stupid and I admit I'm being stupid but I'm sorry it's just not the time yet. I am acting foolishly by loving him still while he isn't. Love can really fool you up to this rate. They can crushh you down if you don't know how to control it.

One sided love, how does it feel ? </3

People may call me a desperate bitch. Call me whatever you may wanna call me. I don't care. Just keep on talking. I guess these people don't have an interesting story that they have to talk about my shit to make people socialize with them. Why can't they just mind their own business and just talk about their shit rather than mine, I guess mine is all better than theirs. My shit can do them good I guess! Wow, I didn't know my shit is that powerfull. They indeed make me feel awsome day by day but still it's kinda painful, that them whose talking trash about you.. was the people that used to meant everything to you. Pathetic isn't it ?

What can I say.. we're all humans.. we all make mistakes.. we learn from mistakes but if it happens again then that's you choose to make the same shit again. :D Well, there goes my story for today.. an unconditional love that can never be achived. Will it ever ? We'll see in the future. Thanks for reading peeps!

Date : 28/2/2012
Time : 10:30PM